Technology Woes Part II

[In a jaunty little tune] I have new printer ink! I have new printer ink! Dooo, dah do, dah doooo.

[Insert new printer ink. No more jaunty little tune] Ah damn.

[Composing email] Dear Hewlett Packard. I have a printer-scanner-copier. It was bought in the US, but I now live in Europe. I was told, and the box says, that it needs HP338 instead of HP98. However, now, the printer is giving me an error code saying that HP338 cartridge is incompatible with my printer. What should I do? PS. I love my printer-scanner-copier. It's my friend.

[HP response] From your description, it sounds like the printer is giving you an error code saying that HP338 cartridge is incompatible with your printer. In 2004, HP started regionalizing things like ink to better suit the needs of their customers in different geographical regions. Press a bunch of buttons, it'll do a test, and then send the answers to the questions above.

[Talking to myself] You didn't ask any questions. Regionalizing ink? Are you kidding me?

[Pushing buttons, paper prints out] HOORAY!

[Printer makes unhappy noises and flashes not only on the printer but on the computer] HP338 cartridges are not compatible with this printer.

[Scan document. Start attaching it to email. Meanwhile, try to scan other documents for health insurance reimbursement. Printer hums.] An error is causing the program to shut down. Please make sure all cables are properly connected and all programs properly installed. Oh, and by the way, another error occurred while trying to attach the document. Try again?

[Doing one thing at a time, attach document, compose email to HP] Thank you for your quick response. Attached, please find the test. And while I have you, would all of this cause some kind of problem with the scanning function on my printer? Obviously I scanned the test, but now it won't scan anything else. PS, I love my printer. It's my friend. I don't want to replace my friend with a European model, and I think you're hinting that I may have to do that, and by the way,regionalizing ink? That is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard, and it's obviously that manufacturing printers that used either European or American voltage was more cost effective for you and this is just a way to eke just a little more money out of the relatively few people who move printers from continent to continent. You should be ashamed of your money grubbing ways. SHAME! PPS. I love my printer. It's my friend.

[To a jaunty big, long phrased tune] Replacing the new cartridge with the old cartridge to scan the receipts for the insurance company. Do dah, do dah.

[Printer]An error is causing the program to shut down. Please make sure all cables are properly connected and all programs properly installed.

[HP response] Yo, dumb ass, if you use European black ink, you have to use European color ink. DUH!

[Talking to myself] Oh, for fuck's sake!

Windy Flying

What no one wants to hear when landing in winds after turbulence:

"We will be on the ground shortly. Please make one final check that your seat belts are fastened, and please take note of your closest exit."

Technology Woes

World, this is my computer and printer. Computer and printer, this is the world.

-Say hello, boys.

Note that blank spot above my computer. Lovely, flat, black desk with a blank spot. We bought the desk just for my computer. Note that there is a lack of computer monitor on that lovely, flat, black desk. Everything on my computer could come to Ireland except for my speakers and monitor. Scott found new speakers before we left the US (You can see them just there on the window sill, swinging their cords.). Alas, the monitor was not to be. My monitor is now snug and warm in Washington with my dad, and I am in search of a new monitor. And we found one! And it’s perfect and lovely and housebroken. The web site promised. It only has one little problem: the web site cannot accept our American credit cards. We could order it and pick it up at the warehouse where we can use our laser cards or pay cash, but that warehouse is waaaay outside Dublin proper, and we’d have to take it on the bus, and what if it’s scared of people? Instead, because obtaining a credit card is a bit of a hassle here, we’re going to buy a prepaid credit card and use that. Honestly, it’s probably cheaper than the tax on credit cards anyway. Then they’ll deliver the little beauty to me. Sort of. Our buzzer doesn’t work. The postal worker will leave a note saying that I can pick it up at the postal distribution site for Dublin 2. At least it’s down the street.

In the meantime, we can hook the printer up to Scott's laptop, and today is a special day. I finished a notebook, and I'm starting a new one, and I have a few pages that I need to scan and save. Turns out, my printer is a bit old, and the software on my CD doesn't work with Vista. The laptop didn't tell me that. It told me that I didn't have administrative privileges. Then it told me that Scott didn't have administrative privileges. Then I called Scott, and I am at the moment, and the last sixty minutes worth of moments, downloading the drivers and software from HP. I have another 50 MB to go. Oooh! 40.

However, what you cannot see, world: My printer is almost out of black ink. No big deal, right? Go to an office supply store and buy ink.

Last Saturday:

-Hello, we’re not sure what ink we need, but the printer is an hp psc 2300 series we think.

-Are we sure about that? Maybe it’s the 2500. Definitely should have looked at that. What’s wrong with us? I think it might be hp 54. That sounds kind of right. Kind of.

Hours later at home

-Frack! It is in the 2300 series, and this is the wrong ink. We need 97 (or, it turns out later, 94. I think I was very close.)

Today, down to Reads I go, hi ho, hi ho.

–Hi! I bought the wrong ink. I need 97.

Very helpful sales associate from previous Saturday: It’s not the right ink? 97? We don’t have that. I can order that for you.

I stand there while he tells whomever on the phone that no, it’s an inkjet. Yes it’s an inkjet. No it’s not a laser jet; it’s an ink jet. PSC 2355xi. It’s a psc. No, it’s not a laser jet. It’s definitely an ink cartridge. No not toner. Hp 97. Yes, for the PSC 2355xi. It's an inkjet. Oh! It’s hp 11 here! Great!

HP 11 is more than twice as expensive as HP 54, but ya know what? When my dad comes to Ireland, I’ll have him or whoever else might be visiting bring ink at a reasonable price.

So I go home, a little unsure of the ink, but the man assured me I could bring it back. I look at it one more time before opening the box and it is… ta da! Not for the psc 2300 series but for the business inkjet 2300 series.

I called hp Ireland. I thought maybe, just maybe I really did want the 97, 94, 99 any of which I could buy in the US. Nah, they changed the numbers for Europe and it’s the 338 or something. Why would they use the same numbering system? Oh, by the way, Ma’am? You’re printer is very old.